Presents to Piss Off Your Valentine Presented by the Letter “P”

Art by Bob Eckstein

Pony: “How old do you think I am?”

Puppy“I already take care of you and the kids. Obviously I need more responsibility.”

Pro Pods from Apple. “Sure, they’d be great for noise-cancelling the kids — if they stayed in your ears.”

Pan“I already do all the cooking.”

Potted Plant“It may last longer than fresh cut flowers, but I’m still going to kill it.”

Pot“I don’t need you if I want to wake-and-bake.”

Plunger“For the person who has everything, huh? That includes a plumber on speed-dial.”

Porsche“You put this in my name for me to make the payments?”

Polka-dot pjs: “Even skinny people look fat in polka-dots. Period.”

Peloton: “Obviously you’re telling me to lose weight. I remember that Stepford Wives ad.

Perfume“Ew. This is the scent your mother wears!”

Pearl“Keep Kamala out of this!”

Push-up bra: See also, Pony.

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